MCPKINSKY

Chapter 6

The Adventure of Being

In the dark of the night and in my solitude, I heard a voice inside me.

• “Who are you?” He asked.

Not knowing whose voice was, I replied, “I do not know. I’m not sure. I know I’m living, but I don’t know the reason for my existence. I know I have only problems and stress during my days.”

• “So, where’s your treasure?”, The voice asked again.

I replied. I have it in my family, my work and my possessions.

• “And what is the purpose of your existence?” The voice continued.

“Death, I replied. This death that haunts me every day reflected in this world full of evil, suffering and pain.”

• “My son, the voice continued. You must not fear. Find your essence within. Find your wealth within because that’s where you’ll find your value. Not in material things.”

“And after finding it, you will know the answers of the world around you. You will know who you really are, and you will know where you’re going.”

“Put your treasure where it belongs. Put your hope and your faith within. You will know how great you are.”

page 35. The Adventure of Being by Kinsky

Photo by Axel Bobert on Unsplash

I remember when this 2020 year started; I had so many good wishes that this year would be the year of material achievements and resolutions. Like many, I never expected that this year was going to be a year of so many challenges.

We never expected this pandemic and the world shutdown. We were all inside, some of us working, some coping differently with being inside. The pandemic has shown us what we are really made of. It has shown our deepest fears, angers, and who we have as a partner, or as a family member. I had heard about so many divorces and how people are coping with being alone. This situation represents an opportunity to show us with whom we are. Is our responsibility to know-how are we coping with our fears, with the anger, and unresolved frustration. We are all forced to work on this without hiding it. However, few are facing this issues face on and instead are trying to numb themselves. The numbness won’t last forever, and the problems will continue to get bigger and bigger until some action takes place. This is how life works. Until we do what we need to do, life won’t change. It will continue to show us our downfall.

This 2020 has been a year of significant challenges for all. Economic, health, family relationships, but mainly this year are showing us the relationship we have with ourselves reflected in the relationships we have with others. We forget that relationships are a reflection of who we are and how we see our lives. The world is a mirror, and we need to understand that the trouble we have with others is just our own reflection.

I remember when I got married; I learned that my ex-husband was going to show me a lot. Those ten years of marriage were years where I grew up, matured a lot, and I became who I needed to become. It has been eleven years after I got divorced, and my ex-husband is till teaching me a lot of things.

The same thing happens with our relationship with money, our job, and our health. It is easier said than done. I know. We need to be grateful of what we have, count our blessings day by day, and see our accomplishments daily. It doesn’t matter if they are small. Rome wasn’t build in a day.

This 2020 has affected me in my health. I have taken it as a blessing in disguised. It has taught me more than you think. I can say that nobody is to blame but me. I’m a single mother with two teenager sons I work a lot. I have two jobs and I had trouble sleeping. I had to go to work with one to three hours of sleep and work from seven am to seven pm for two years. I was so busy paying bills, working, and taking care of my sons that when this pandemic hit, my stress levels went so high that I became sick. It was on May this year when the doctor told me what you don’t want to hear ever. “You have cancer.”

I was afraid, worried, and I ask God, why? Why me? How? What happened? I went through four stages of grief. I became angry; I denied I had done something wrong. I became depressed, the thought of leaving my two sons with no family, and the thought of planning how to protect them. Me and my older son had very serious conversations on what to do in case of the inevitable. We didn’t know how far or what stage was the cancer. It was a tough time. I had to do a lot of tests to have answers and to have the right doctor who could help me. I read many books and changed my life. I eat better, sleep better, lost weight, became more physically active. I’m undergoing chemotherapy, I had lost all my hair. I am still working on my job. Working as a middle school teacher. I wear a wig and teach full time. My doctor has told me she is impressed on how I am working through my treatment. Other people tell me I have a good viewpoint of life and on my situation.

I can say my view of life has changed. Now I take time to slow down and smell the roses. To look up at the sky and appreciate the clouds, the trees moving with the wind, the sunsets, and the sunrises. I appreciate spending time with my sons and remind them as often as I can how much I love them. I take time to appreciate other people’s company and for other’s actions not to affect me. I have understood that people rarely want to hurt us. Some people don’t know how to give, to forgive, or to love. And all the times that I felt offended by others was their unresolved problems and issues. It takes time to understand, and time to live this way. Some days I am successful, some days I’m not. And it’s OK. I have learned that the only thing you can do is your best every day.

Some people won’t understand you, won’t accept you, or won’t like you. And is OK. We are born not to make everybody happy. We are born to be happy with us, to feel love by us, which will reflect on the love you have for your family, your work, and for the world. You will create happiness as long as you start with yourself. It is not the other way. It always starts with you and ends with you. It is a full circle. The love you feel inside will expand to every single person you meet and things you do and will come back to you. Same as the hate, anger, and fear. All will come back to you ten thousand fold. So think about it…

This year is a year of challenge. Many things won’t be the same, you know that. Change is inevitable and will make us grow. You can be angry because you have lost something or someone. Or you can pick up your pieces and become whole again. The choice is yours.

Decisions, decisions

 

This is the part of our life that is constant. Since we are little till the moment we die. Our life is impacted by what we choose and as a result, we live the consequences of what we have decided.

 

It sounds scary sometimes, but it is something we need to learn to do and the earlier we start the better it is. It’s being said we learn by our mistakes or the bad decisions we make, they often color our destiny and build the path we walk. Yes, we can make a better tomorrow by facing our fears, breaking the walls we have built around us to protect us.

 

One thing I have learned through my life is that those walls we think are there to protect us, make us unable to grow. Sometimes we feel we are in such a good place we are unaware that only change will transform us into something better and bigger. And facing our troubles, our fears will make us stronger.

 

That has to be the story of my life. Since an early age I had to face many challenges, not economic challenges, but emotional challenges, my challenges were not something that my friends or relatives could see, but I hid them and men, they were hard challenges. Over time I became stronger and when the time was right, I flew and became independent and the architect of my own destiny.

 

I never knew the path I had chosen would lead me to some other challenges, economic challenges. After my divorce, I realize I had to give over 100% to my sons and be the provider, the father- the mother, the teacher of my sons. I had to close my business, put my dreams of becoming a writer to support my youngest son with Autism. I had to choose between making a lot of money or being there for my sons. And yes, it’s been worth it.

 

it’s been 10 years I had to make the decision and divorce,  and 7 years of deciding to move to another state and I can say when I look back and I see how much my sons have grown, how much they have improved, it makes me thrilled and gives me a lot of peace. Things are still challenging, and I often have to balance 2 to 3 jobs. Is it worth it? Yes, it is worth it. I must learn how to manage my time, be present, and be at home with my sons to support them.

 

My advice is to listen to your inner self, to your gut, to your dreams. Never stop dreaming big, never give up, because even though the sun is not shinning, and you might seem to be living in the storm, the storm is not forever. It will only make you stronger. Keep the faith, cry if you need it, but wipe your tears and move forward. Life will be different, and the sun will shine again for you.

I remember those days when I used to live in the big city, where I had the opportunity to be on the road. Those years where commute was something I had to do every day from home and to the University. After I finished the University I had to commute to work. I realized that I loved driving and since traffic was something that I couldn’t control, I learned to be patient as well to observe other people.

In those years I realize that life was like a highway where you see a lot of signs, intersections, and detours. We set a goal in life, we prepare to reach it and we wake up every day to get closer to it. But suddenly something happens in our life, we have challenges with our families, co-workers or with our partners. And if we don’t have that goal, that purpose well identified we might get lost in the darkness.

We need to remember that our experiences are determined by our choices that we need to value them at all times, especially if we have family and kids who depend on us.  I remember when I had to make many important decisions a few years ago. It was hard because I had to choose from having my own business or go to work full time. This meant I had to change the routines of my sons and sacrifice many things, like my dream to promote my book and meet more people. It hurt for a few years, but I know that I had to do it to put a roof over their heads, to be able to feed them and to provide a stable home. As I recall my younger son was 8 years old when my life change from being an entrepreneur to work again full time.

In those days one temporary summer job provided me with the experience I needed to get another job, and then another, and then another. I went back to school to get a masters degree that helped me to find the job that I wanted to work in a job close to home.

I had lived many challenges in these five years, I had learned that people are like those signs on the road. Sometimes people are like the detour in the road that shows us that we need to change our attitude or simply our way of thinking. Many times they show us that the path we are is not the right for us and that we need to change a job, find the courage, be humble and do what we need to do to find the right one.

Just remember that in our journey we will sometimes find broken roads with big signs that will make us believe that we are not worth it, or that we can’t do something. These signs are there for us to make us stronger, wiser and we must never quit by a mean boss, or jealous co-worker because at the end they will receive what they sent to the universe. We need to recognize that this kind of people are a blessing in disguise and when we finish what we need to learn with them, that road will change and we will find ourselves in a better road.

You must keep your eyes, mind, and heart open and let your inner self, your intuition guide you to the next step, to your next road. I know that sometimes we fear the unknown, we think the worst, or we are so attached to the job we have even though we feel is killing us inside because we think and believe that’s the only job or choice we can have.

You know, when you feel this way, it’s your time to let go and take a walk through nature, see the sky, meditate, get your mind out of it. When you have your mind clear,  you will be surprised that there are so many things you can do as a job, you just need to find your gift, your talent. Don’t quit on your dream and believe in yourself because good things always happen. You might be driving through a storm, learn to appreciate it and see the beauty of cloudy days, the rain falling, or the sandstorm, there’s beauty in all. And when you mentally let go of everything,  you will see the doors of a new opportunity open, you just need to believe it.

Life is just an extraordinary adventure that takes us through ups and downs, through happy moments or sad moments, nothing is forever and life has many lessons for us to learn. Life is our journey to find ourselves if we let our intuition guide us.

Just open your eyes while you drive through life and choose the right highway to happiness and success because it will be waiting for you.

To your success,

Kinsky